I was frustrated that day. My mother had created some nuisance as usual. I sat in the lobby away from all the known people and read my book “The call of the wild”. The main character Buck, an Alaskan sled dog, is a strong and powerful leader, fighting all atrocities and emerging as a champ.
While I was reading through Buck’s journey and feeling inspired, I got a call. It was from the lift technician who I had blasted the previous day saying he’s irregular with his monthly services and how the lift in our home keeps breaking down often because of that. He had called to tell me that my dog bit him and that he was on his way to a hospital. I found out that my granny had taken him to our floor instead of the lift’s machine room on the third floor. Dobby being a territorial German Shepherd, did what he thought was his job - protect his people by warding off strangers.
This incident only added to my previous frustrations. All my unanswered questions in life came back to me and I went down a spiral. I needed to vent out but my closest friends were all away. One was in the US, past her sleeping time, another was on a trek in the Himalayas and this other girl, here she was in the hospital, in pain, waiting to deliver her baby.
Deep down, there was another reason for my irritation. People had said Ranga would be reborn as his sister’s child. This annoyed me so much. First of all, I still don’t know if I can believe in rebirths. YOLO was what my sh believed in and I always feel that we should live our life now and not worry about the unknown after life. If there’s rebirth, did my sh leave his life for the want of a better one? How could he be so selfish? If I felt I was holding him back, how could I be so selfish? Once a person is gone, there’s no way they will remember their past life even if say, they are reborn. Do we remember our past lives? I know there are people who claim they do but most people don’t.
Secondly, assuming he’s reborn as his sister’s child, how is that supposed to make ME feel better? Is it bringing back my sweetheart in his form? Isn’t this a new relationship that is being formed? Why should the individuality of this baby be stolen away from it by tagging it as rebirth? I understand some people who had parental feelings for Ranga would see this baby as the same child to console themselves. But shouldn’t we respect this baby for who it is?
All these thoughts bogged me down as I waited for some news from inside. After what seemed like ages, Ranga’s brother in law called me up and said the baby was born. When I asked if it was a girl or boy - he said it was a bumper! I didn’t understand and when he came out, I asked again. He said ‘it’s a bumper’ means it’s Goddess Lakshmi which meant its a girl!
I was so awestruck to see her pink face, her skin-peeled hands, her chubby cheeks and her tiny body all wrapped up. After all that she and her mother went through in the last 9 months, she was finally out in this world. I was a bit relieved that it was a girl cos nobody would now say it’s Ranga reborn. And this child would be herself and have her own individual traits with no comparisons.
Today, she turns a year old and I can’t believe a baby can shower me with so much love. It brightens me up when she gives a broad smile as soon as she sees me. It fills my heart when she gestures to be carried by me and when I can wrap my arms completely around her and hug her tight. She is my sweetie pie who holds a special place in my heart.
I wonder how her uncle would have felt holding her, playing with her and just being around her. Would she have melted him like how she melts me knowing our affinity towards babies? How much research would he have done to get the right toys or books for her? Would he have taught her his naughty tricks? Where all would he take her on trips? What would he gift her for her first birthday? I will never know!
While I was reading through Buck’s journey and feeling inspired, I got a call. It was from the lift technician who I had blasted the previous day saying he’s irregular with his monthly services and how the lift in our home keeps breaking down often because of that. He had called to tell me that my dog bit him and that he was on his way to a hospital. I found out that my granny had taken him to our floor instead of the lift’s machine room on the third floor. Dobby being a territorial German Shepherd, did what he thought was his job - protect his people by warding off strangers.
This incident only added to my previous frustrations. All my unanswered questions in life came back to me and I went down a spiral. I needed to vent out but my closest friends were all away. One was in the US, past her sleeping time, another was on a trek in the Himalayas and this other girl, here she was in the hospital, in pain, waiting to deliver her baby.
Deep down, there was another reason for my irritation. People had said Ranga would be reborn as his sister’s child. This annoyed me so much. First of all, I still don’t know if I can believe in rebirths. YOLO was what my sh believed in and I always feel that we should live our life now and not worry about the unknown after life. If there’s rebirth, did my sh leave his life for the want of a better one? How could he be so selfish? If I felt I was holding him back, how could I be so selfish? Once a person is gone, there’s no way they will remember their past life even if say, they are reborn. Do we remember our past lives? I know there are people who claim they do but most people don’t.
Secondly, assuming he’s reborn as his sister’s child, how is that supposed to make ME feel better? Is it bringing back my sweetheart in his form? Isn’t this a new relationship that is being formed? Why should the individuality of this baby be stolen away from it by tagging it as rebirth? I understand some people who had parental feelings for Ranga would see this baby as the same child to console themselves. But shouldn’t we respect this baby for who it is?
All these thoughts bogged me down as I waited for some news from inside. After what seemed like ages, Ranga’s brother in law called me up and said the baby was born. When I asked if it was a girl or boy - he said it was a bumper! I didn’t understand and when he came out, I asked again. He said ‘it’s a bumper’ means it’s Goddess Lakshmi which meant its a girl!
I was so awestruck to see her pink face, her skin-peeled hands, her chubby cheeks and her tiny body all wrapped up. After all that she and her mother went through in the last 9 months, she was finally out in this world. I was a bit relieved that it was a girl cos nobody would now say it’s Ranga reborn. And this child would be herself and have her own individual traits with no comparisons.
Today, she turns a year old and I can’t believe a baby can shower me with so much love. It brightens me up when she gives a broad smile as soon as she sees me. It fills my heart when she gestures to be carried by me and when I can wrap my arms completely around her and hug her tight. She is my sweetie pie who holds a special place in my heart.
I wonder how her uncle would have felt holding her, playing with her and just being around her. Would she have melted him like how she melts me knowing our affinity towards babies? How much research would he have done to get the right toys or books for her? Would he have taught her his naughty tricks? Where all would he take her on trips? What would he gift her for her first birthday? I will never know!
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